Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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