Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
