Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
