Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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