He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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