Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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