So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
