just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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