I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
