Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
