Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
