When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
