if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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