I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
