I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
