he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
being pregnant is like rehab
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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