Don't EVER smell your tampon
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
