She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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