His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize