I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
