Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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