I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
