How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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