Are we in a gay sports bar?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
