how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
