Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
