the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
