fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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