so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
