This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
