Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
