dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
