So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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