shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
