i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
