Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
