Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Even my vagina gasped.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
