it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
