i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
