i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
