Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
