Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
