so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
