I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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