my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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