I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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