Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
