He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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