I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
