:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
