You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
