Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize