Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she smelled like a LAN party
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
