he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
