we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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