If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
