The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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