Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
