90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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