If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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