Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
