There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
