he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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