For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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