i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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