I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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