Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
