we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
