Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
