Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
