Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
